Fan Mail
"Great, Starlight, I'm glad to see you could make it," Cassie says, holding the door open as the superheroine makes her way inside, out of the rain. "That forcefield must come in handy. You don't have to carry an umbrella - just turn on the field to keep from getting wet."
"Yeah, but in harsh rain it makes such a racket." She replies.
Shutting the door, Cassie turns down the hall and heads for the kitchen. "Proteus couldn't be here this weekend - he's on a trip. But Dragon Fist and Comet are already in the kitchen. Would you like a cup of tea?"
"That would be nice, thanks. It's not quite the weather for spandex, I'll have to design a winter outfit someday."
In the kitchen, Dragon Fist and Comet are sitting at a large table covered by a mound of envelopes. Some have been sorted out into neat piles, but most remain in the pile.
"That's what Mike, my mailman, and his buddies dropped off yesterday. Apparently the U.S. Post office has decided that my house is the official mailing location for the Golden Gate Guardians. I thought it would be great if we could get through most of this today," Cassie says, picking up the kettle that is boiling on the stove.
"I didn't realize this group had made this much of an impact in such a short time," muses the Comet. "At least we're getting attention." He looks at the growing pile of letters addressed to himself. "I'm surprised I've got this much, though..."
Cassie quickly pours out a couple of cups of Darjling tea. "Do you take sugar in your tea, Dragon Fist?"
"No thank you, Odyssey. I drink mine plain."
"Some of the letters that go to each of you personally have been sorted out already," Cassie adds, bring a tray with the tea, honey and sugar over to the table.
Scooting around Comet, she sets the tray down on the table while Starlight takes a seat.
"There are two letters I thought I would share with the group since they kind of deal with us all," Cassie says, picking up the letters from the table. "I'll start with the nice one."
Cassie begins:
"Dear Golden Gate Guardians, I was wondering, if you weren't too busy, if you could visit the orphanage on Maple street. The place really need a lot of work, and with your powers, it wouldn't take more than an afternoon."
"It's signed Tommy Walker," Cassie adds.
"He seems nice enough." Silently, Starlight adds, "I would have rather have discussed this first..."
"And now for the not so nice one," Cassie adds.
"Dear Golden Gate Guardians,
As you know, tax season is upon us. As a new hero team, I have taken it upon myself to warn you that all income derived from superhero activities is taxable under section 10-23-A of the California tax code and under section 6.75.88 of the federal tax code.
Please remember to file a W-4 form declaring that income with your 1997 taxes. Doing this will save you much time and avert a possible audit in the future.
Sincerely, John Pauling, Supervisory accountant, Internal Revenue Service"
"Well, know that I've discharged my civic duty by warning you about your taxes, let's get cracking on these letters," Cassie says.
"Great, I could owe taxes back to when I was fourteen." Starlight mutters.
"Are we supposed to get paid for this?" asks the Comet mildly. "I must have missed that meeting. Would we have to fill out job applications, then?" More seriously, he says, "I think we'd better look into that orphanage, though. What's the address, Cassie?"
"It's over on Maple Street," Cassie says, glancing down at the letter. "I think it would be a good idea to help if we can. Comet, could you call this Tommy Walker and set up a day and a time we could go over there? I'm free on the weekends."
"Absolutely," affirms the Comet. "How about this Saturday? Is everyone okay with that? Or is Sunday afternoon better?"
Dragon Fist thinks for a moment before answering. "Saturday is better for me, since my Sundays tend to be fairly full."
Starlight shrugs, "Either day for me." Starlight grabs the first two letters, not unlike a child at Christmas until she reads them.
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STARLIGHT
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Starlight,
...starbright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may -
I wish I might -
Have the wish I wish tonight.
(You. Me. Dom Perignon. A hot tub. My condo at midnight.)
A (hopefully) grateful admirer, Ken Railes
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Dear Starlight:
Have you got a boyfriend? If not, are you looking for a volunteer? Humm, baby!
Rick Barlinchuk
"Men!" Starlight crumbles the letters up and tosses them in the wastebasket, glaring at the males in the room. "I'm practically invisible off-duty, but the second I light up.." Realizing that she is not alone, she quietly drops the subject and reads the next letter on blindness.
Comet looks at Dragon Fist. "Was it something we said?"
Glancing up from her stack of letters, Odyssey sees the indignant Starlight. "It could be worse - I already threw away that letter from Playboy. What was it they were going to call that article - something like 'Paranormals unmasked.' Like I don't get enough harassment when I'm wearing clothes."
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Dear Starlight:
I've always been fascinated with science, especially light. Do you think lasers could be used to restore sight to blind people? I've been thinking about a way to focus the beam on the retinal nerves to 'shock' them back into functioning. I'm a student at Berkeley with a scholarship in laser sciences.
I have a personal interest in this theory of mine; I was blinded in a car accident in my sophomore year in high school. They say that my eyes can't work again, but there's no actual damage to the eye; it's the nerves. If you have any insights into the feasibility of my theory, please contact me.
Sandra Collinsworth
"Odyssey, can your healing affect optic nerve damage?" Starlight re-reads the letter, "I'm sorry Sandra, there are many different types of nerve damage. I'm not qualified to assist you in your project. I know my powers can temporary blind a person due to temporary overloading rather than damaging the nerves. I will try to pass your letter to someone more qualified."
"Why don't you give me that letter. I've got a stack of medical-related letters," Cassie gestures to her right. "All people asking me to cure them. I'm not sure if I can help, but I can try."
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Dear Starlight:
Hi, my name is Thomas Allard. I represent Millenium Productions. We'd like to offer you a screen test. Your beauty and your ability to fly make you STAR potential. We already have several movies that you would be ideal in. You could be the next Sigourney Weaver. Call me. Let's do lunch.
Thomas Allard
Casting Director
Millenium Productions
916-555-8787
She then looks at the next letter on being a movie star. In her campy hollywood movie star voice, "What do you think, guys... do I have STAR potential?"
Comet looks up from his letter. "I don't know...you're certainly bright enough," he says with a straight face. "Are they casting for the remake of 'A Star is Born?'
"You could provide your own special effects," Cassie jokes.
"I wish there was a way to get good publicity out of this," Starlight adds. "Assuming of course, this is on the up and up."
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Dear Starlight,
Baby, you rock my world! How about you come on tour with me and the band. With your hot looks and those fireworks, you're every rock band's dream. You'd be great on stage! Come by and party with the boys. We've given up the hard drugs, but we still know how to have a good time.
Mick Jagger
The next letter, she smiles, imagining the G3 as a rock band, Proteus being punk, Comet as lead singer, Dragon Fist on keyboard with Odyssey and her doing special effects and being backup singers. She forces herself not to laugh nearly choking on the tea. "Dear Mick, I just couldn't go without the rest of G3, maybe next year."
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Dear Starlight,
Hi Starlight. I think it is great you helps people. That's a very good thing. My teacher told us we were supposed to right a letter to someone we reale like. I reale like you. I think your great. I want to be just like you when I grow up. Are you related to the Power Rangers? I reale like the pink Power Ranger too. I think it would be neat if you were the same people. Do you have toys? I have all the pink rangers stuff.
Amanda , 6
She reads the next letter, "No, I don't think I'm related to the Power Rangers, we help people here in San Francisco. Always keep your dreams alive, Starlight."
"Here's one for you, Starlight." Comet hands her the letter.
Dear Starlight,
Can you shine brighter than the sun? If you shine real bright, do you get blinded? I looked at the sun for a long time once and I couldn't see for a bit. Can you look at the sun?
Todd, 8
"Dear Todd. I shine softly about equal to a light bulb. I don't get blinded easily, but I do avoid looking directly at the sun. Camera flashes, however, have never pose any problems to me. I don't think people should look directly at the sun for long times, I've heard that it is bad for your eyes." Starlight looks up from her writing and stretches.
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ODYSSEY
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Dear [MS. ODDESSI],
YES! You too HAVE ALREADY WON $1,000,000!!!!!!*
NO PURCHASE NECESARY. Just affix the enclosed stamps to your personally formatted entry form, [MS. ODDESSI], and you've entered our contest. For rush processing, just attach the stamps corresponding to the items you wish from one of our enclosed fliers, and your entry will receive special treatment. It's that simple, [MS. ODDESSI]!
We at Ludicrous Sweepstakes give away amazing amounts of money every year, and you could be our next winner!! You must act now, [MS. ODDESSI] - the sooner you enter, the better your chance of winning! We look forward to delivering that huge check to YOU!
*(if the number inside matches the winning ticket)
"Guys, guys look!" Cassie waves the letter around. "I may have one $1 million. This is the second time in two weeks. I must really be lucky."
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Dear Odyssey,
Heard you were married, if you ever dump the guy, I've been looking for a woman like you.
Todd K. 555-1234
Dear Todd,
It's sweet of you to offer, but right now I'm a one man superheroine. I'm sure you'll find the right girl for you.
Sincerely, Odyssey.
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Dear Odyssey,
I've seen that necklace before. Escape its seductive power before it consumes your soul! I will pray for you, my wayward child.
Father McDonald
Dear Father McDonald,
Prayers are always a good thing. I'll pray for you too. Together our prayers will provide a strong armor against evil.
Odyssey
Responding to the letter causes Odyssey some moments of reflection. He acts just like my parents, she thinks. They thought it, hell I was evil. Why can't they understand? Maybe I should try calling them again.
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Dear Odyssey,
Just wanted to thank you for healing my arm, as a side benefit, I am now enjoying a more active lifestyle. It seems you did not just heal a man, but mended his spirit.
G. Jones
All right Mr. Jones!
I hope you are socking it to them out on the tennis courts. Or is golf more your game? My husband loves golf. I can barely drag him away from the links. I hope you are enjoying you new-found active lifestyle as much. Good luck to you.
Odyssey
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Dear Odyssey:
Are you a witch? My daddy says that you work for the Devil because your powers are evil. I think you're very pretty and you're not a witch because witches are ugly and you're not.
Becky Sue Andrews
Dear Becky Sue,
Thanks for your faith in me. I'm not a witch. I just have different abilities. You know how some people can play baseball really well and others can draw neat pictures? Well I can heal people and jump from place to place without walking. I bet you have a special ability too. Always remember that it is not having a special ability that makes you evil. Your actions determine whether you are a good person or a bad one.
Sincerely, Odyssey
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Mrs. Salvatore:
We find it highly offensive that you would suggest that you have powers that are supernatural in nature. The scientific community is not amused by this pandering to the lowest common denominator of the human imagination. We expect that you will cease these ridiculous claims and provide a rational explanation for these abilities you have displayed, whether they are the result of a mutation or simply a mass hallucinogen.
Unsigned
"OK, where's the kook file," Odyssey says, looking up from her pile of letters. "This is definitely going in it. Mass hallucinogenic my ass. It sounds like whomever wrote this has been watching too many episodes of the 'Sightings' while eating Twinkies."
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Dear Odyssey:
Is it true you can bring people back from the dead? If you can, does that mean that you're an angel and you work for God?
Freddie Patterson
Dear Freddie,
I'm sorry to dash your hopes, but I can't bring people back from the dead. However, I can sometimes heal people who are hurt or injured. Only God can heal the dead. I'm not an angel, but thank you for suggesting that I was. That was very nice. I hope I answered all your questions.
Odyssey
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Dear Odyssey:
I have heard so much about you in the news, most of it negative. I just want you to know that you have at least one friend for life. You helped save my son from that horrible cult last year when I thought he was lost to me forever. I can never thank you enough or repay you.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise; you are a wonderful person. I know so many people who would not do what you do. If I can ever repay you, don't hesitate to ask. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Hannah Stewart
"Hey everyone, look it's actually a nice thank you letter," Cassie waves the letter. "We are appreciated. I'm going to write her back. Does everyone want to sign it and thank Hannah Stewart for her nice words of encouragement?"
"Sure," agrees Dragon Fist.
"I've got one, too," says the Comet. "I'm amazed people actually write these. I have to admit I was expecting nothing but nuts and salesmen."
"When you write it, pass it over," he adds.
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DRAGON FIST
************************************************
Dear Dragon Fist,
It is written that a man who becomes a dragon ceases to be a man, but merely a puppet. You should learn inner wisdom and not use your powers before reaching the seventh circle.
Lee C.
Dragon Fist picks up his the first from his stack and opens it. His eyes widen as he reads it, and his mouth narrows in frustration. "Some of these...," he says as he carefully tucks the letter back in its envelope and sets it aside. "It's hard to say if they are crank letters... or from people who actually know something."
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Dear Dragon Fist,
Why did the dragon eat my cat? Was he angry at me. Gin-gin would never hurt anybody.
Karen
Dragon fist reaches for the next letter and opens it. "Hmmm..." he says. "Not another pet? I think I'll need some help on this one..." He hands the letter to Starlight and sighs. "I don't know if its true, but it could be... it could be."
Starlight mulls over the letter, struggling over a possible, but grim truth or a pleasant story. "I still have trouble trying to explain uncontrolled photonic discharges as an unlikely but possible side-effect. I would assume, if the dragon did eat the cat, that it would only do so because it does not understand the concept 'pet' or that its hunger overwhelms it's judgment. How about, 'Dear Karen, the Dragon doesn't tell me why he eats pets, but I have explained to him that it is wrong and I keep him well fed.' "
"That sounds as good. Thank you, Starlight."
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Dear Honorable Dragon Fist,
Thank you for patrolling Chinatown. I can walk home without worrying and my sister's spirit is finally at rest.
Kim P.
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Dear Dragon Fist:
If you can turn into a dragon, does that mean you're a bad person? We were reading about legends in school and I read about St. George and Beowulf. They both say that dragons are evil. Does that make you evil too?
Paula Smith
The next letter is an easy one, and Dragon Fist quickly pens a reply. The one after that, while more challenging, goes as quickly. "Dear, Paula," he writes. While in Western culture dragons represent evil, Chinese Dragons are seen much differently..."
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Dear Dragon fist:
My big brother says that you're better at fighting than Bruce Lee. Isn't that pretty easy, since he's dead?
Joey Mazzillo
Dragon Fist laughs at the comparison to Bruce Lee. "Indeed," he says, putting his pen to paper. "It is easy to fight better than one who is dead."
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Dear Dragon Fist,
Most honorable warrior. I have followed your crusade from the beginning. You have brought honor and respect back to Chinatown. I would be honored if you would come to my home for dinner so that we more properly thank you. Indeed, it would give my daughter the chance to met you. She is a modest girl and would not dream of speaking to you in public, but has watched your good deeds from afar and holds you in great admiration.
Peter Lu Chen
Dragon Fist groans at the letter that follows. "Not another one..." He pauses. "Then again, maybe I do have an honorable way out of this..."
Thanks to Grandfather setting me up with Maria...
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Dear Dragon Fist,
Apparently my father has written you a letter inviting you to our house. I'm not sure what he exactly said, but I'm sure at some point he mentioned his "sweet modest girl" and how she "adores you, but would never speak to you in public."
Dear sir, I love my father, but I fear he is saying these things in an attempt to convince you I am a good Chinese girl who follows the old ways. Truth be known, I barely speak Chinese fluently. And while I appreciate what you've done in Chinatown, I'm not going to fall down and worship at your feet.
I think that Chinatown needs to solve a lot of it's own problems. Our youth need to learn self respect. This community is stronger than any dragon when it works together. It is only when we succumb to fear and threats that we can be threatened by the likes of gangs.
Your are welcome in our home, but I thought it wise to present my true self to you and not the image my father thinks you'd like.
Sincerely,
Lori Lu Chen
Teacher
He laughs as he reads the letter from the man's daughter. "Not to worry, Miss. And I agree with you more than you could know."
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Dear Golden Gate Guardians,
It has come to my attention that most of you have amazing powers that should be studied. I am a animal biologist specializing in rare and endangered species and I would love to get a tissue and blood sample from the dragon. The biggest question that we have for the dragon is whether the female gives live birth or lays eggs. Also, I was wondering if Odyssey could demonstrate her healing powers under controlled observation. If a mechanical way to generate the healing effect can be found, imagine the benefits to mankind!
Professor Gnarlwood
"Dear Professor Gnarlwood," the final letter from Dragon Fist begins, "While a blood and tissue sample would be problematical at this time, I can tell you that Chinese Dragons hatch from eggs..."
"You were hatched from an egg?" Starlight says before thinking.
Dragon Fist laughs softly. "No, no," he replies, "I'm only part Dragon. I had a fairly normal birth."
Opening a letter, Comet frowns; the letter is addressed to him, but was written for Dragon Fist. "This is for you," he says, handing it to Dragon Fist, who reads:
"Dear Dragon Fist:
If dragons are magical, are you magical too? Or are you an alien, like mybrother says?
Ricky Pharon"
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COMET
************************************************
Dear Comet,
My brother says you got a real life like everyone else. I told him that you live in the clouds or on the moon.He says I'm crazy. Who's right?
Steve and Jeff
"Hmmm...." Comet looks over the letter from Steve and Jeff, taking a sheet of paper. "Yes, I do have a life. I've flown up in the clouds, and it's a beautiful feeling. But most of the time I try to live a normal life just like everyone else."
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Dear Comet,
My research has determined that your powers could cause cancer in yourself and others. You should refrain from using your powers until my research has concluded.
Dr. K. Laysen
Dr. K. Laysen's letter is met with an amused chuckle. "Actually, when my powers first appeared I was tested by one of the finest scientific minds in America. There is no carcinogen effect to my powers. However, your research is certainly aimed in the right direction; preventing and curing cancer is an excellent end. I wish you the best of luck."
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Dear Comet,
I saw you kissing my girlfriend, cut it out, or superpower or no, I'm going to punch you out.
Krusher
Comet looks at Krusher's letter with a pained expression. "Do we actually HAVE to answer these?" He puts pen to paper again. "Krusher: I don't fool around with other guys' girlfriends. I've got my own, thanks."
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Dear Comet,
Thanks for helping me, admittedly it wasn't saving the world, but I needed someone who cared.
Lisa W.
"Dear Lisa W.: Thank you for taking the time to write. While I would never expect this from anyone, I'm very happy to read this. No, it's not saving the world, but to you and your family it means just as much. There's no difference between saving the world and saving a single life. Both are just as important to me, and to the rest of us."
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Dear Mr. Comet,
We are studying comet Hale-Bopp in Mr. Fredrickson's science class. Each of us has to do a report on the comet. I thought you might be able to help me. I heard you can fly and are super strong. I think it would be great if I could show my class a piece of comet Hale-Bopp. Do you think you could get me a piece of the comet? That would be totally cool. Thanks.
Ted Lance, 14
"Dear Ted: Unfortunately, it would be impossible for me to get to the Hale-Bopp comet in time for your report. While it's true that I can fly, and even go up into outer space, I can't stay long enough to reach the comet."
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Dear Mr. Comet,
I represent the industrial cleanser company Comet. As you know, we have produced a household kitchen cleanser for years. We think you'd be the ideal spokesman for our product. We've been toying around with the idea of an ad campaign with the punch line "Nothing works harder than Comet" and then showing various video clips of your various adventures, interspersed with footage of a woman cleaning the sink with other cleansers. In the end you fly in and clean her sink easily with our product Comet. Please let me know if you are interested.
Fred Dredging
A and A Associates Advertising
To Mr. Fred Dredging of A and A Associates Advertising:
Regrettably I must turn down your offer. I do use your cleanser, and I find it works very well, but I cannot use my public activities for advertising. My powers were not meant to be used to make money.
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PROTEUS
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Mr. Proteus,
This letter has been around the world nine times since it was first started by a poor missionary in Malaysia - and it brings LUCK!
What kind of luck, of course, is entirely up to YOU. Ms. Gilda Hornswallower of East Jippipi, Florida mailed ten copies of the letter to ten of her best friends. Two weeks later, she won the State Lottery!
Mr. Ron Jackson, however, threw his letter in the trash. The next day, hit hit a lawyer with his car and was sued for everything he owned! He died a year later, alone and penniless.
Bob Hayworth sent his copies out immediately after getting them. Not only was his wife's cancer cured, but his hair grew back in as well. Mr. Kenneth Blake initially decided to ignore the letter. A week later, he was hit by Mr. Jackson's car, breaking both legs. After a frantic search, Ken found the original and sent off his copies. He won millions in his successful lawsuit, and now is retired and rich.
DON'T BE A LOSER! SEND THIS ONWARDS TODAY!
All you have to do is photocopy it and mail it on to ten more people.
WEALTH, HEALTH, AND HAPPINESS ARE WAITING FOR YOU!
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Dear Proteus,
Why you put my big brother in jail, he's not so bad. Ok, so he does pick on people, but doesn't everyone? We don't eat so well now that dad has hired a lawyer to prove Mike innocent. I thought you were a superhero, not a cop.
Jason T.
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Dear Proteus,
Thanks for rescuing me from those thugs.
Mrs. Karen J.
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Dear Proteus,
After battle with some thugs, you left, leaving behind a small piece of yourself. We have studied under intense scientific research and when we fed a piece to our rats, they became ill and died with the day. Please do not leave small pieces of yourself around as they may be toxic to children. Even better, you should wear an all over body suit to keep yourself from losing parts.
Professor J. Kendar
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KNIGHTBLADE
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Dear Knightblade,
Hear you got bitten by a snake, hope you feel better.
Suzi K.
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Dear Knightblade,
I heard you've been gone so long because you are secretly getting your destroyed body parts replaced with cyber ones. That's so kewl.
Branden W.