July 10, 1997 by Coy Martin

• Armadillo: "The Armored Dildo?"

July 5, 1997 by Rochester Paranormals' Club

• Ninjas: "Glad to see you guys are already wearing your 'jammies...."
• Armadillo: "Hey, its Bucket-Head!"
• Powerhouse: "What, you haven't changed your costume since High School?"
• Toe-Tapper: "You, of questionable sexual orientation, prepare to meet your maker!" (Said by a mutated telepathic gopher holding a potted plant who had just been thrown into a wall by his own team's brick.)

July 3, 1997 by Brian Gilmore

• Any VIPER: Start yelling "Cobra... hey when did you guys switch to green uniforms --I liked the blue ones."

June 4, 1997 by Stan West

• Ankylosaur -- Hey guys! Didn't Spielberg say he lost one of these?
• Armadillo -- Armadildo -- Wal-mart's got WD40 on sale this week!
• Sleeper -- Uh, oh -- Here comes Clinton's/Gingrich's/Perot's speech writer (pick your poison here)
• Vibron -- I'll just bet you clean up at the massage parlors, don't you? Great tips, too? And phone numbers?

June 2, 1997 by Stan West

• Juggernaut -- Great. Here come that walking EPA violation. I guess this means we have to call a HazMat team and fill out more forms...
• VIPER -- Hey, loved the car... hated the show. I thought Knight Rider was better...
• Mechanon -- Are you upgradeable? You know how fast technology gets obsoleted these days...
• Bora -- Bora! Bora! Bora! Oh, sorry, wrong old movie reference...
• VOICE of Doom -- Didn't you guys put out some kind of 2 CD music box set last year?

March 10, 1997 by Michael Jones

• BANSHEE: Now that's a crash diet!! Let me guess: hangnail? Still beats the bagpipes! Sorry, you must have mistaken me for the doomed mortal soul who gives a shit!
• BLACK DRUID: AAARRGGG! Super-hippie! Just because you're joined with nature doesn't mean you don't have to wear deodorant.
• BLACK JACK: Let's play 52-pickup!!! (singing)"the ace of spades" (POW!!) "the ace of spades" (POW!!)
• DAS WALL: Das Vall, meet Das Vedgie!!
• THE DESPOILER: Y'know, if i had hideously destructive mutant powers, i would try to make up for it with some sort of personality! Yeesh, talk about yer one-track-mind!! You don't get it, do you? Everytime you blow me through a wall, i'm just going to come back with a witty rejoiner!! You can't win!!
• DOPPELGANGER: Cease this charade, Gumby!! Very impressive, but can you touch you're toung to your nose?? Alright, let's see you do this!! (does 'detachable thumb' trick) That's what them sillicon implants will do to ya!!
• FACET:(replying to quote) No, but i'll kick YOUR ass, if you'd like!!
• FLOODGATE: Surfs up!
• SIR GAWAIN: Thee, thou, thine, thud!(THUD) Oh, no, it's captain tinfoil
• GLACIER: Anyone for snowcones?
• GLADIATOR: Your 'Gladius' is showing!
• HUNTSMAN: Be vewy qwiet, i'm huntn' dweemons! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh!!
• HOOD: No, really, is this a joke??
• THE INQUISITOR: I didn't expect a kind of spanish . ... . . .
• MAMMOTH: Let me guess: radioactive wooly mammoth? As in, mammoth tooth ache? Now that's an overbite!
• MIDNIGHT SUN: Daylight saving time!
• NAPOLIEON OF CRIME: Naaahh, napolion was WAY taller than that!!!
• PIPER: Being a music lover myself. .. .(POW)
• VLAD THE IMPALER: That isn't Vlad Van Hagen, is it?
• WHITE ROSE: Oh, yeah, we're all wearing spandex in the CIA these days
• ARGENT ANARKY MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE: I tremble at the thought of your nintendo scores!!
• SILVER HYENA: What are you laughing at?
• CHROMEDOME: I respect you for not wearing a toupe NEON: Now THATS B.O.!!
• TRIAD CASCA: Casca . . . that's an opera, right? Oh, no, I'ts just some guy i'm about to beat the living snot out of!
• COCKNEY: Y'know, if I had an anatomical mutation like that, i shure wouldn't use it as a name!
• INCUBUS: I can't figure out you're name . . . are you Ink. .. . a cube .. .a bus . .. or a pancake!! (SPLAT!!)
• NETHER: Let me guess, you moonlight as a strippogram
• GODFATHER: You pay me no respect (WHAM!!) You neglect your place in the family(POW!!) Not once do you invite me to a clambake (THUD!!)
• MALDEBROT: NERD!! SHRIKE: HIPPY!!
• MARAUDER: Clean you're windshield, mam?
• ENIGMA: Look out! it's a super wino!!!

THE ASENOS

• STALKER: I vant to bust your head!
• THE TOMBSTONE KID: See kids? that's what happens when you play with matches!
• MOSQUITO(reply to quote): You obviously haven't heard of RAID! MONTANA: AAAHHH, go take a bath!
• THE MAINE: Wow! that's one heck of a paperweight!!
• SPIDER MONKEY: Were you bitten by a radioactive spider or a radioactive monkey?
• OCELOTE: Yeah, yeah, row, ffftt, whatever(POW!!)
• EL MURTO OBSCURO: Meet 'el biggo lamposto!'

MACE BATTLEAXE: Wow! a walking can-opener!!!

GEOMANCER: Your name sounds a bit posh to me .. . .. how about 'dirt guy' or 'mud man' . .. . 'soil dude?'

THE CHARMER: Do you think you can make my fist stop working? -CRACK- guess not, well, do you think you can make your jaw start woking again?

GRENADIER: Eat bus, pretty boy

AGGRO: You think of that name all by yourself?

THE SHAPESHIFERS

• HAG: Oh, no!! a MOUSE!! no!, now it's a finch!! Heeelllpp mmmeeee!!!
• NIGHTMASK: Now, now, if the wind changes . .. ..
• WOLFBAIRN: I'm a firm opponent of cruelty to animald. . . . oh, what the heck!

THE NEW KNIGHTS

• CLANSMAN: This is for bagpipes (THUD), this is for kilts (WAP) and this is for 'Och Aye' (SMACK!)
• THE CONSUL: Oh, look! a posh droid! how retro.
• THE GURKA: Who, after being bitten by a radioactive gherkin. . . ..
• SILVER SHADOW: Why is there a little coloured patch on the back of your head?

THE LONDON WATCH

• DR GOLDWING: If i hold you upside down and shake, how many gadgets will fall out
• SEA CHANGE: You realise you're retaining quite a bit of water .. .
• BLAZON: No, but once i throw you through a petrol tanker . . .
• REPULSE: Yeah, you are a bit . . . .
• SWIFT SWALLOW: whayagonnado- fly me to death??
• MOLE: Love the scottish accent, man!
• PARTISAN: You wouldn't hapen to be bi-partisan?
• NIGHTWATCH ASPEN: OH-NO!!! It's a super girlscout!!
• EARTH BROTHER: Get DOWN, bruther! (POW!!) I can dig it, bruther!!
• STARLINE: Can I call Tom Cruise through you?
• WINTERSHADE: AAAAAAHHH!!! WOOKIE!!!
• WEATHERING: As in heights, right?
• THE WATCHMAKER: Is this a joke?
• CHIME: That's one heck of a tuning fork!
• HARRY MORTIMER: This has just GOT to be a joke!!
• IMPERIAL LION: How about you chang you're name to 'imperial fall-down' (POW!!) Don't you have a brother- 'imperial deckchair'?
• IRONSIDE: How good are your creases?
• THE LAIRD: There you go, playing laird of the- oh.
• NUADA OF THE SILVER HAND: Help! It's luke skywalker!!
• MOTHER JANET: Lemmie tel you 'bout yu muther . . . .

THE DARKLINGS

• KING EARTHWORM: And his son, prince earwig!
• CORNERSTONE: Careful, You'll have someones eye out!
• CRAWLER: You must be handy to have around
• CRYSTAL: Weren't you on 'dallas'?
• THE DUNGEONEER: I didn't even know duengons HAD ears!
• ECHOER: Hello(SMACK!) Hello(SMACK!) Hello(SMACK!)
• THE GHOUL: No way you're female!!
• GOLEM: Oh, no!! it's GO-LEM, the BBQ-that-walks-like-a-mn!!
• MINOTAUR: Why not 'cow-boy'?
• MADAM ZHALLA: Let me guess. . . . i'm a wippersnapper, right?
• RUMBLER: Y'know, some pepto-bismo will clear that right up!
• MOLE: AHA! You've dug yourself into a corner!!!

December 20, 1996 by "IGiveIn@aol.com"

• Starburst: "What's a fruit chew doing at a super battle?" (I actually ran a villain who repeatedly DID call him "Fruit Chew" during the fight).
• Black Paladin: Shouldn't that be "African-American Paladin?" (Works for any of the "Black" characters, actually...).

December 4, 1996 by John Turner

• Slug: "Slug? You? (cracks knuckles) no problem..."
• Foxbat: "Standback, my sidekick will handle this" Hoarfrost: "Whatfrost?"
• Black Claw: "It slices, it dices, and it makes mounds and mounds of julian fries."
• Arc: "Noah?"
• Psi: "Sigh?" (Groups sighs loudly in unison)
• Wyvern: "Hey, where is Shirley?"
• Gremlin: "That must have been one huge Mogwai..."
• Vibron: (in a casual manner)"Very popular with the ladies, no doubt..."
• Krystal Blue: Like Lady Blue, I bet she did...
• Pile Driver: "You should hook up with the Buldozer and Earthmasters construction company" or "Gomer?"
• Yeoman: "Yo, yo, yo, man!
• Lazer: "This guy can't even spell..."
• Giganto: (Sung to the theme of Gigantor) "Giganto, giganto..."
• Binder: "Hey, can you do anything for my Champions hardcover?"
• Timemaster: "Timemaster, eh? Why don't you start you stopwatch now, and tell me/us how long it takes me/us to clean yer clock."
• Ankylosaur: "Well, at least it isn't as stupid-looking as the Armadillo."
• Dreadnought: "Well, okay, that is more stupid-looking than the Armadillo, but it beats The Maine..."
• Here is one that is not mine, but I thought I would submit it for my friend Coy Martin. Armadillo: "The Armored Dildo?"

November 30, 1996, by Lupine

• Mosquito: Oh damn (looking at fly swatter), I thought that was a fly!
• Montana: Go back to North Dakota where you belong.
• Spider Monkey: Weren't you on Friends?
• El Muerto Obscuro: Gawd, yet another super ninja...
• VIPER Agents: Don't even get me started insulting these chumps...
• The Maine: Don't they give warranties out with those things?
• Ocelote: Gawd, yet another super-powered cat...
• Stalker: Where were you when they passed out the skin color?
• Powerhouse: Gawd, yet another 15-foot tall strong guy...
• Icicle: You're hot, baby!
• Pulsar: You're that Starburst guy, right?
• Starburst: You're that Pulsar guy, right?
• Cheshire Cat: How come you carry a club but don't hit people with it?
• Mindlock(as Mindlock): Is that a guy or a girl?
• Mindlock(as Collen Simmons): Is that a guy or a girl?
• Solitare: What's the point?
• Defender: Gawd, yet another power-armoed superhero...
• Obsidian: The bigger they are, the tougher they ain't.

October 25, 1996, by Jason Youngberg

• Makeshift: Did you make the rest of VF-1 also?
• Wildthing: Hero1: What a disgusting dog!
  Hero2: Yeah! and that wolf's pretty ugly too!

October 6, 1996, by Lee W. Jones

• Weasel: All around the Muhlberry bush......
• Starburst: In your choice of five fruit flavors
• Supercharger: Where's that little bunny with the drum that always follows you around?
• Armadillo: With his sidekick Hedgehog.
• Ears ( of the Downtrodden ): Oh No! Ross Perot is a supervillian!
• The Tombstone Kid: Yosemite Sam lives!
• Fastball: ( after a miss ) Nolan Ryan you ain't.
• Anti-Tech League: We're here to fix your VCR.
• Tin Man: I thought the scarecrow was the one with no brain.
• Black Fang: Having a bad hair day?
• Two Time: Did your wife coin that name?
• Silencer: Can you show us "trapped in a box"?
• Merry Andrew: You were great in the sound of music!
• Fry Daddy: LOOK OUT; he's got a cholesterol killing attack!

July 30, 1996, by Marc Perry

• The Pack: "Hey, who ordered Pooper-Scoopers? Never mind..."
• Foxbat: "When you make up your mind, call me."
• Facet: (Sung to the tune of "If I had a hammer") "Oh, I got me a hammer.... "
• PRIMUS: "Why don't I just call the people better suited to the problem. The Boy Scouts, for example."

July 22, 1996, by Clint Black

• Python: "Python? Do the parrot sketch! Parrot sketch!" (chant over and over)
• Komodo: - "Komodo? Isn't that a Japanese robe? No, that's a kimono. Oh. I was worried for a second."
• Dragon Queen: "You know, a little Oil of Olay will clean up scaly skin."
• Chasm: "What's the matter, Spasm? VIPER wouldn't foot the bill for a new paint job on the old armor?"
• Blackflame: "Hey, Slackflame, over here!"
• Mirror Man: "Somebody keep track. (cracking knuckles) I'm going for 56 years of bad luck."
• Rampage: "Rampage? I'm betting you have problems with the "Sam I am" page."
• Stealth: "What a great idea! VIPER skeet"
• Cannon: "I'm Cannon! Fodder! (Heroes in unison)"
• Forcebeam: "I-beam? [No!] Jim Beam? [No!] String Bean? [No!] Are you sure?"
• Stalwart: "You should call yourself Wal-Mart. Cause you drop faster than their prices."
• Smoke: "No, thanks. I'm trying to quit."
• Savant: "Hey, nice tie. Is that a clip-on? Did your mother buy that for you?"
• Madame Blue: "Hey! Hey! There are ladies present. Well, not you."

AND....

• Armstrong: "Hey, didn't you go to the moon? No? (cracking knuckles) Would you like to?"

For Adults Only!!!!!!!!

• Madame Blue: "I'll just bet you did."

• Mechanon: "I *knew* that CPU was flawed..." (Timothy Sallume)
• Menton: "Say, who's the dude in the dress?" (Nic Niedenbach)
• Murdock: "MACGYVER!!!!" (shouted as if falling off a cliff) or "I need duct tape, lots of duct tape." (Jessica Murray)
• Shift: Hero 1: Man, that Shift's one bad mother--
  Hero 2: Hush your mouth!
  H1: Just talkin' 'bout Shift.
  H2: I can dig it. (Jessica Murray)

• Big John (from the Raiders): "Yeah, I'll bet."
• Black Diamond: "Yeah, and I'm the Ace of Spades."
• Black Paladin: (Heroes in chorus) "Have gun, will travel reads the card of a man....Paladin, Paladin."
• Black Mamba: "Yes, but can you tango?"
• Dark Seraph: "San Serif, County Sheriff..."
• Dr. Destroyer: "What's that doctorate in, anyways? English Lit?"
• Dreadnought: "Looks more like a Buoy Tender to me!"
• Earthmaster: "Hey, I saw that movie. Oh, wait -- that's Beastmaster. You should really get together with Bulldozer and start your own contruction firm."
• Foxbat: "Hey, dingbat, nice gun!"
• Freon: "Now illegal in all 50 states." or "C'mon over here, I'll recharge you!"
• Giganto: (one heroine to another) "What is THIS guy compensating for?"
• Griffin: "Merv?"
• Halfjack: "Halfjack, lojack -- just another piece of metal to change the tire with."
• Hideous: "You know, I know a really good plastic surgeon. Heard he did Solitare's nose, too."
• King Cobra: "Oh, God, not another snake villain."
• Lazer: "Hey, my grandma gave me that game for Christmas!"
• Leech: "One word for you: Salt."
• Menton: "If it psis, it dies."
• Minuteman MK-VIII: (heroines giggle) "Aren't they all?"
• Mongoose: "C'mere Rikki-tikki-tavi!"
• The Monster: (dryly) "How original. Related to Hideous?"
• Murdock: "What you talkin' about, fool?"
• Oculon: "A little laser kerotonomy will take care of you!"
• Pantera: "Aren't you in a band?"
• Plague: "So where are the other three horsemen, anyway?"
• Professor Muerte: Hero: "MORTY!"
  Hero 2: "No, that's Muerte, like Spanish for 'death.'"
  Professor Muerte: "OK. Jou die."
  (apologies to Undercover Blues, a very funny movie.)
• Python: "You know, you'd make a really nice purse. And matching shoes, too!"
• Savant: "Uh, idiot?"
• Scorpia: "Hey, baby, I'm a Libra."
• Shadowdancer: "Also known by his Native American name, Dances with Shadows."
• Shift: "Is that swing shift?"
• Supreme Raven: "Hey, Big Bird! Over here!"
• Thespian: (Heroes giggle). Thespian: "That's THESPIAN, like an actor!"
• Troll: "Rub his stomach! Rub his stomach!"
• Utility: "I knew PG&E would try something like this sooner or later."
• The Whip: "Whip it good!"